Undecided or Undeveloped?
A lost young person’s guide to finding their way
Around this time of year, high school seniors start to finish up and submit their college applications. I vividly recall how frantic I was in my college interviews, overly prepared, yet not knowing what to say. I was fumbling over my words, hoping that doctor so-and-so would understand my “insatiable” curiosity of such-and-such subject. It was only a year ago when these interviews occurred. The age-old question (according to Reddit’s college app page), slapped me in the face and left me looking dumb-founded.
“What do you want to do with your education?”
Sixteen-year-old Hannah stuttered and stumbled over her words, attempting to think two different things at once. What do I want to do? What should I tell her? That was just the beginning of a seemingly obvious fact. I had no clue. At the time, instead of making something up, going along with the narrative I had written on a piece of a sticky note, I decided to look stupid. I faced the dreadful effect imbued by awkward silence.
I thought I was interested in neuroscience at the time. After all, I had frequented my library’s science section, listened endlessly to hours of Andrew Huberman and David Eagleman. I had read several papers by Joseph LeDoux on mind and brain. I scrolled past many editorials with peculiar graphics and figures and their tiny-print descriptions. I was totally down to become a researcher and pioneer on this “endless frontier”.
But I got something wrong. At that moment, I had to accept the undeniable fact that my experiences did not make up enough substance to lead me in any particular direction. My undeveloped self shone through the “dreams and ambitions” I had previously claimed I had.
Maybe that’s an overly-dramatic way to describe how lost I felt, but I am sure many can relate, or at least many starting college, or towards the end of their degree struggle admitting this truth. You don’t know what you want. You don’t have that conviction. That under-developed-ness is fine, and you’ll be okay. I had to humble myself to know that and admit it to others.
It’s quite a common trope when people who seem to have their life together tell us that it’s a luxury to pursue what makes us happy, and it’s an obligation to pursue what we find meaningful.
As a university student studying neuroscience, following the trajectory I’d place out for myself, I am beginning to realize my lack of clarity in life, explicitly. If you relate to me, follow the unsolicited advice I struggle to follow myself. Don’t let these thoughts of feeling lost feeling hopeless in the fogginess of uncertainty spiral you out of control.
“Sometimes you need to f*ck up to see what shit sticks on the wall and what doesn’t. And on top of that, own your shit.”
My philosophy professor recently told me this during office hours.
If I told my college admissions officer this piece of self-reflective advice, I’m not sure I would be where I am right now. I thought I had to understand and aim towards something tangible and pragmatic, I lied to myself. I found myself even more lost than ever before.
We constantly hear that the worst decision of all is none, that it’s better to become something than remain nothing. But sometimes we are nothing. We are a blank slate waiting for the colors to splash and come together, into a unique combination of textures and tones, the imperfect shape of a work in progress.
Eliminating the Non-essential BS…Finding Your Advantages
What we choose to focus on and what we choose to ignore — plays in defining the quality of our life…Clarity about what matters provides clarity about what does not.
I’m starting to realize the importance of cherishing a few endeavors, and executing these priorities with conviction. I believe this makes you a more precise individual. I was not honest with myself, what my best qualities were. These qualities are the unfair advantages that largely make me who I am, which I now understand are invaluable. If you feel lost, I believe Newport’s quote above is right in that focusing on what matters eliminates the non-essentials.
“What Matters typically” amounts to what you find engages your attention. In sales, a common principle to live by is that “attention is currency”.
Ask yourself what you enjoy paying attention to. Typically, you tend to be good at doing things you enjoy paying attention to, the information you discern as valuable as a part of a larger system. As basic as this sounds, a first principle to utilize in your journey is that: you understand most what you mostly pay attention to.
I did not know that my unfair advantage against others was my seemingly indefinite curiosity, openness, and empathy. These traits of mine are seriously better than that of many people I know. I pay attention to other people’s perspectives and synthesize their actions and words into the values they live by. I am capable of contrasting their beliefs and volitional passions with other peoples’. I often implicitly ask others seemingly weird and personal questions. I yearn to grasp how it contributes to some bigger picture like why something “naturally” occurred in one part of the world. This information helps me understand what it takes to educate others and encourage positive, calculated action through some form of verbal and written communication.
Reflect on what you enjoy paying attention to, because that attention converts to currency (a lifestyle that suits your intrinsic desires and needs for growth as an independent person).
Others’ Appreciation is Conducive For Your Happiness
“Perhaps uniquely, humans can consciously experience these pleasures and even contemplate the elusive prospect of happiness…”
In a neuroscience and psychology report, researchers took measures, discovering empirical substrates which correlated high activity in pleasure networks concerning an individual’s happiness.
“It is worth noting that social interactions with conspecifics are fundamental and central to enhancing the other pleasures. Humans are intensely social, and data indicate that one of the most important factors for happiness is social relationships with other people.”
When you feel as if you are contributing greatly to enhancing something bigger than yourself, you will probably be happier doing that than you are in something you are not as good at. Leveraging your unfair advantages can do this for you. When others express their need for you in your career, and you feel as if the efforts you produce and the endeavors you aim towards satisfying your own needs in alignment with societal needs, things you work towards feel more “right”.
It boils down to being honest with yourself and reflecting. Then you are more readily able to seek connections with others in fields that demand people like you. These career paths need individuals who have the advantage to do exceptionally well in those fields.
